I deserve a thank-you note
For giving you my presence all year long
I deserve a thank you note
That's the only present that I want
(Thank You Note by Salem Ilese)
I focused on "Present Memories" during part 4 of my 60T🖤60 Project (for more information about my 60T🖤60 project, go to my other blog My Life Is Like A Song). Present Memories is the subject of the book I want to complete by the end of my project. It also worked out well because I was invited to speak at a mothers' group during this period.
The deadline of my presentation added extra motivation to work on my book. I wrote, and wrote and wrote until I realized that it would take me all day to present it. It was still really useful to gain clarity and better organize the topics. The reason I called Part 4 "Present Memories" is that I believe we should focus on memories that improve our present. Our happiness happens in the present.
It's helpful to travel back in time to understand what matters most and then travel forward in time to where we want to be and the memories we want to create. Once we’ve looked back and forward, we want to capture what matters most and enjoy the memories in the present.
During the presentation, I covered strategies that research has shown to explain what and why we remember some things rather than others. I gave ideas on how to better remember what matters most. Being able to remember meaningful moments in our lives provides us and our kids a sense of self and identity. It helps us grow and connect with each other. Our memories are the story of our lives.
By enjoying our memories, we can make ordinary days into happier days because every day can’t be extraordinary, otherwise they would become ordinary.
We remember what we pay attention to.
To remember, we need to notice and this requires our attention and our perception - what we see, what we hear, what we smell and what we feel - physically and emotionally.
In the present moment, our memory is limited and short-lived. We remember what we experience only long enough to use it or not. If we don’t make a point of remembering what we experienced, we will forget it in 15-30 seconds and those memories will be replaced by the next information. Life keeps happening.
We remember moments that are significant to us. We could all go on an outing together and remember it differently. We would remember what we pay attention to; what gives us an emotional reaction and what adds meaning for us.
If we want to forget an event or an unpleasant moment; it's best to not think about it. By paying attention to that unpleasant moment, we are helping to remember it.
The other way that memories become meaningful is when we connect them together. We can’t remember everything. We want to be selective and relate what matters to other moments and how they relate to our life story and how we see the world.
Spatial Repetition
Research has found that spaced repetition helps us to remember. It’s like when we were in school, we remember better by reviewing after periods of time that become larger. So when something amazing happens that we want to remember, it will help to review it the next day, then a week later, a month later, three months later and a year later.
We also remember what we think about. We remember the stories we tell, the photos or videos we look at and we remember what we write. Journaling, blogging or sharing on social media helps us remember by writing and then by re-reading the details that may fade over time.
Focus on what we want to remember.
The key to preserving memories for the future is to recognize what is worth capturing and letting go of the rest. Optimists pay attention to positive experiences, and so these events are remembered. Struggles are good to remember if they are relevant to the journey or they’re important lessons, but dwelling on negative experiences can lead to unhappiness and sometimes depression.
Bliss Point
I began my Revive55 Project in 2019 in order to preserve my memories and hopefully remember more but are more memories better? Is there a bliss point when it comes to memories? What is the perfect balance of enough memories so that they are optimally enjoyed but not too many so that they are lost in the clutter?
When we don’t curate our lives as we live them, eventually we will drown in the memories. One memory box becomes two becomes four becomes eight. 1000 photos becomes 5000 becomes 25000, etc.
It’s easier to keep up than to catch up.
This project was necessary for me because I had let things accumulate. As the years passed, I kept collecting more and more sentimental items without letting go of old ones. I wish I had been more proactive and found a better way sooner.
Catching up is a project. Keeping up is a process. By putting a process in place to keep up with our memory keeping, we don’t need to do a big catch up project later and we also enjoy our memories along the way.
That is one of the key things for memory keeping. Keep up the workflow and process of our memories so we don’t have to tackle it all at once later.
Hedonic Adaptation refers to the tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness after experiencing positive or negative events or life changes.
It’s when we experience an identical stimulus that provides less pleasure the more it’s consumed. For example, a new car feels amazing at first, but eventually, it’s just a car. People who get a big bonus or a pay raise may be happier for a short period of time, but then will settle back to their original level of happiness. People may lose their job and be sadder for a short period of time, but then will settle back to their original level of happiness.
Our favourite treat or our favourite song may get an emotional response when we haven’t tasted it or heard it in a long time, but if we have it every day or listen to it over and over again, the emotional response diminishes.
We can prevent hedonic adaptation by not enjoying our memories too often, but we also have to enjoy our memories to ensure we remember them. It’s a fine line. Not too often, not too rarely.
There is also something magical about finding something we haven’t seen in 10 or 20 years, like a time capsule taking us back. This is great for things that are more factual, like report cards or things that we’ll be amazed how much things have changed.
Revive From Archive
Chronological photo albums or digital collections are a great resource like a library, but we don't necessarily want to read every book or look back at every photo. The meaningful moments can become lost in the clutter or what I call: the archive.
Art galleries and museums own much more than they show on display. Much of their collection is in storage.
I want to encourage you to Revive From Your Archive. Rather than organizing all your photos, revive your most meaningful ones.
Curating exhibitions by theme is a more interesting way to enjoy our memories.
I love going to the art gallery when they have exhibitions where they display pieces of art from various places in the world and connect them in a meaningful way.
Art galleries will also curate special exhibitions by connecting pieces by artist, by theme or by time period. These exhibitions highlight the art in a way that makes us appreciate it even more than a single painting. Sometimes in the exhibits, they showcase mementos, letters, or timelines, not just pieces of art.
It helps to tell the artist’s story or a story of a time period. Our special exhibition can tell a more meaningful story than just one photo.
Our permanent collection should be what is most important to us and our family. They are our milestones and our peak moments. They are the people we love. They may have mementos connected to them and stories. They are the photos and mementos that we display in our house or screensavers. They are the first things we see when we enter our home or the last things we see when we go to bed at night. It showcases who we are and what is important to us.
When we first put photos in frames for our permanent collection, we notice them and they made us feel happy, but eventually, we stop noticing them. Taking something out that has been put away for months, brings back the magic. It's best to not let our permanent collection become too permanent.
Our special exhibitions are the interesting stories that will link some things to others. They could focus on one family member, like an art gallery may have a special exhibition on one artist. It could focus on places weu’ve been; on activities we love to do; on our traditions; then and now comparisons; changes over the years; etc. We can also use mementos or household items to enhance the theme.
They don’t have to be big projects either. Sometimes I make a card with old photos of the person. I’ve used a cartoon app to alter the image for special moments. I have made collages on an 8.5x11 page or photobooks for really special birthdays. Using iMovie or Final Cut Pro, I’ve also made highlight videos with little snippets over the years.
By using our photos to make these gifts or cards, we are spending time with our memories instead of time going shopping for gifts and cards. This helps us to remember.
The first special exhibition that I recommend you create is about you. Who were you? What did you love to do when you were young? As we grow up, other people influence us whether that is well-meaning parents and teachers or mean or envious classmates. As Charles Bukowski wrote: “Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” If you have childhood photos and mementos that you haven’t sorted through, this is a great time to look to recognize what is most meaningful for you. Being a new parent can be a way to reconnect with your younger self.
- By looking back, we can see who we were.
- By being present and noticing our current life, we can see who we are.
- By looking forward, we can be proactive in being who we want to be.
I printed three pages with photo memories I created with these 3 themes to remind me at times when life gets busy of who I intend to be so that I choose better actions today to get me there.
Present Memories
Studies show that remembering happy times from the past helps us be happy in the present and gives us a hopeful vision for the future. As long as they bring back happy memories, it will boost our happiness.
Look back to connect meaningful moments. Look forward to create more and capture them and savour them in the present.
The end goal is a workflow that works - it’s that feeling of the moments that matter being captured and preserved. We connect the dots through our life to figure out what we love, what we connect with and what matters to us.
We can extend that happy moment, by anticipating it - for example anticipating a vacation or an outing - and then reflecting by enjoying the photos or stories afterwards. Studies show that we can boost our happiness by keeping happy memories in our mind. So taking the time like organizing our photos, taking videos, keeping mementos around is a happiness strategy.
In the present, remember happy times from the past and plan for future memories.
Embrace technology
While preparing this presentation, my MacBook crashed. If I hadn't backed up and synced my photos and memories; I would have been forced to spend almost as much repairing an older computer that wouldn't end up lasting as long as a new one. I had learned how to ensure that technology failures did not impact my memory keeping so the only pain I got from my computer crashing was financial. I spoke about technology in my presentation, but it's too lengthy for this post. The most important thing is to embrace technology, learn how your devices work and what would happen if they broke. Would your memories still be preserved?
Conclusion
Our memories are inside us. They are not the photos, videos and mementos. Floods, fires and technology losses happen.
The photos and mementos help us to remember. We can keep the memories alive by spending time enjoying our photos, mementos and memories; not too often and not too rarely.
The key to preserving future memories is to recognize what is worth capturing.
Chasing dreams...capturing memories.
