Present Memories

 I deserve a thank-you note

For giving you my presence all year long

I deserve a thank you note

That's the only present that I want

(Thank You Note by Salem Ilese)

I focused on "Present Memories" during part 4 of my 60T🖤60 Project (for more information about my 60T🖤60 project, go to my other blog My Life Is Like A Song). Present Memories is the subject of the book I want to complete by the end of my project. It also worked out well because I was invited to speak at a mothers' group during this period.

The deadline of my presentation added extra motivation to work on my book. I wrote, and wrote and wrote until I realized that it would take me all day to present it. It was still really useful to gain clarity and better organize the topics. The reason I called Part 4 "Present Memories" is that I believe we should focus on memories that improve our present. Our happiness happens in the present. 

It's helpful to travel back in time to understand what matters most and then travel forward in time to where we want to be and the memories we want to create. Once we’ve looked back and forward, we want to capture what matters most and enjoy the memories in the present. 

During the presentation, I covered strategies that research has shown to explain what and why we remember some things rather than others. I gave ideas on how to better remember what matters most. Being able to remember meaningful moments in our lives provides us and our kids a sense of self and identity. It helps us grow and connect with each other. Our memories are the story of our lives.

By enjoying our memories, we can make ordinary days into happier days because every day can’t be extraordinary, otherwise they would become ordinary.

We remember what we pay attention to.

To remember, we need to notice and this requires our attention and our perception - what we see, what we hear, what we smell and what we feel - physically and emotionally.

In the present moment, our memory is limited and short-lived. We remember what we experience only long enough to use it or not. If we don’t make a point of remembering what we experienced, we will forget it in 15-30 seconds and those memories will be replaced by the next information. Life keeps happening.

We remember moments that are significant to us. We could all go on an outing together and remember it differently. We would remember what we pay attention to; what gives us an emotional reaction and what adds meaning for us.

If we want to forget an event or an unpleasant moment; it's best to not think about it. By paying attention to that unpleasant moment, we are helping to remember it.

The other way that memories become meaningful is when we connect them together. We can’t remember everything. We want to be selective and relate what matters to other moments and how they relate to our life story and how we see the world.

Spatial Repetition

Research has found that spaced repetition helps us to remember. It’s like when we were in school, we remember better by reviewing after periods of time that become larger. So when something amazing happens that we want to remember, it will help to review it the next day, then a week later, a month later, three months later and a year later.

We also remember what we think about. We remember the stories we tell, the photos or videos we look at and we remember what we write. Journaling, blogging or sharing on social media helps us remember by writing and then by re-reading the details that may fade over time.

Focus on what we want to remember. 

The key to preserving memories for the future is to recognize what is worth capturing and letting go of the rest. Optimists pay attention to positive experiences, and so these events are remembered. Struggles are good to remember if they are relevant to the journey or they’re important lessons, but dwelling on negative experiences can lead to unhappiness and sometimes depression.

Bliss Point

I began my Revive55 Project in 2019 in order to preserve my memories and hopefully remember more but are more memories better? Is there a bliss point when it comes to memories? What is the perfect balance of enough memories so that they are optimally enjoyed but not too many so that they are lost in the clutter?

When we don’t curate our lives as we live them, eventually we will drown in the memories. One memory box becomes two becomes four becomes eight. 1000 photos becomes 5000 becomes 25000, etc.

It’s easier to keep up than to catch up.

This project was necessary for me because I had let things accumulate. As the years passed, I kept collecting more and more sentimental items without letting go of old ones. I wish I had been more proactive and found a better way sooner. 

Catching up is a project. Keeping up is a process. By putting a process in place to keep up with our memory keeping, we don’t need to do a big catch up project later and we also enjoy our memories along the way. 

That is one of the key things for memory keeping. Keep up the workflow and process of our memories so we don’t have to tackle it all at once later.

Hedonic Adaptation refers to the tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness after experiencing positive or negative events or life changes. 

It’s when we experience an identical stimulus that provides less pleasure the more it’s consumed. For example, a new car feels amazing at first, but eventually, it’s just a car. People who get a big bonus or a pay raise may be happier for a short period of time, but then will settle back to their original level of happiness. People may lose their job and be sadder for a short period of time, but then will settle back to their original level of happiness. 

Our favourite treat or our favourite song may get an emotional response when we haven’t tasted it or heard it in a long time, but if we have it every day or listen to it over and over again, the emotional response diminishes.

We can prevent hedonic adaptation by not enjoying our memories too often, but we also have to enjoy our memories to ensure we remember them.  It’s a fine line. Not too often, not too rarely.

There is also something magical about finding something we haven’t seen in 10 or 20 years, like a time capsule taking us back. This is great for things that are more factual, like report cards or things that we’ll be amazed how much things have changed.

Revive From Archive

Chronological photo albums or digital collections are a great resource like a library, but we don't necessarily want to read every book or look back at every photo. The meaningful moments can become lost in the clutter or what I call: the archive.

Art galleries and museums own much more than they show on display. Much of their collection is in storage.

I want to encourage you to Revive From Your Archive. Rather than organizing all your photos, revive your most meaningful ones. 

Curating exhibitions by theme is a more interesting way to enjoy our memories.

I love going to the art gallery when they have exhibitions where they display pieces of art from various places in the world and connect them in a meaningful way. 

Art galleries will also curate special exhibitions by connecting pieces by artist, by theme or by time period. These exhibitions highlight the art in a way that makes us appreciate it even more than a single painting. Sometimes in the exhibits, they showcase mementos, letters, or timelines, not just pieces of art.

It helps to tell the artist’s story or a story of a time period. Our special exhibition can tell a more meaningful story than just one photo. 

Our permanent collection should be what is most important to us and our family. They are our milestones and our peak moments. They are the people we love. They may have mementos connected to them and stories. They are the photos and mementos that we display in our house or screensavers. They are the first things we see when we enter our home or the last things we see when we go to bed at night. It showcases who we are and what is important to us.

When we first put photos in frames for our permanent collection, we notice them and they made us feel happy, but eventually, we stop noticing them. Taking something out that has been put away for months, brings back the magic. It's best to not let our permanent collection become too permanent.

Our special exhibitions are the interesting stories that will link some things to others. They could focus on one family member, like an art gallery may have a special exhibition on one artist. It  could focus on places weu’ve been; on activities we love to do; on our traditions; then and now comparisons; changes over the years; etc. We can also use mementos or household items to enhance the theme.

They don’t have to be big projects either. Sometimes I make a card with old photos of the person. I’ve used a cartoon app to alter the image for special moments. I have made collages on an 8.5x11 page or photobooks for really special birthdays. Using iMovie or Final Cut Pro, I’ve also made highlight videos with little snippets over the years.

By using our photos to make these gifts or cards, we are spending time with our memories instead of time going shopping for gifts and cards.  This helps us to remember.

The first special exhibition that I recommend you create is about you. Who were you? What did you love to do when you were young? As we grow up, other people influence us whether that is well-meaning parents and teachers or mean or envious classmates. As Charles Bukowski wrote: “Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” If you have childhood photos and mementos that you haven’t sorted through, this is a great time to look to recognize what is most meaningful for you. Being a new parent can be a way to reconnect with your younger self.

1. By looking back, we can see who we were. 
2. By being present and noticing our current life, we can see who we are. 
3. By looking forward, we can be proactive in being who we want to be. 

I printed three pages with photo memories I created with these 3 themes to remind me at times when life gets busy of who I intend to be so that I choose better actions today to get me there.

Present Memories

Studies show that remembering happy times from the past helps us be happy in the present and gives us a hopeful vision for the future. As long as they bring back happy memories, it will boost our happiness.

Look back to connect meaningful moments. Look forward to create more and capture them and savour them in the present.

The end goal is a workflow that works - it’s that feeling of the moments that matter being captured and preserved. We connect the dots through our life to figure out what we love, what we connect with and what matters to us. 

We can extend that happy moment, by anticipating it - for example anticipating a vacation or an outing - and then reflecting by enjoying the photos or stories afterwards. Studies show that we can boost our happiness by keeping happy memories in our mind. So taking the time like organizing our photos, taking videos, keeping mementos around is a happiness strategy.

In the present, remember happy times from the past and plan for future memories.

Embrace technology

While preparing this presentation, my MacBook crashed. If I hadn't backed up and synced my photos and memories; I would have been forced to spend almost as much repairing an older computer that wouldn't end up lasting as long as a new one. I had learned how to ensure that technology failures did not impact my memory keeping so the only pain I got from my computer crashing was financial. I spoke about technology in my presentation, but it's too lengthy for this post. The most important thing is to embrace technology, learn how your devices work and what would happen if they broke. Would your memories still be preserved?

Conclusion

Our memories are inside us. They are not the photos, videos and mementos. Floods, fires and technology losses happen. 

The photos and mementos help us to remember. We can keep the memories alive by spending time enjoying our photos, mementos and memories; not too often and not too rarely.

The key to preserving future memories is to recognize what is worth capturing.

Chasing dreams...capturing memories.

Happiness Lab Podcast Live in Toronto

I have been interested in happiness for as long as I can remember. My first blog post in May 2008 referenced lyrics from the song Happy by Natasha Bedingfield. When I first heard of Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project, I started reading her blog. I later got the chance to meet Gretchen when she was at my local Indigo store in Toronto, promoting The Happiness Project book launch in February 2010. You can read my blog post about it here. 

I read her follow-up happiness books as she released them, learning and implementing thoughts and actions to live a happier life. Eventually, I wasn't writing or reading blogs as much. I tried to get into podcasts but the ones I listened to (my husband's favourites on road trips) although entertaining and informative, weren't captivating me. In December 2018, in my search for better podcasts (for me), I saw Happier with Gretchen Rubin on a list of top podcasts. I was so out of the Happiness Project loop; I hadn't realized that she had started a podcast in 2015. 

Serendipitously, as I began listening to her podcast, I learned she was offering The Happiness Project Experience which was starting a few days later. I signed up for the online course and community as a great way to celebrate the New Year 2019. To help with accountability, we could sign up to be placed in small groups. I mention this because I still FaceTime weekly with two of the friends I met virtually through that course.

In 2020, our small group started the course over. Then, at the beginning of the pandemic, a group member (ECP) shared a free Yale Course (via Coursera): The Science of Well-Being taught by Dr. Laurie Santos. Some of us signed up together and discussed it during our Happiness Project Experience communications. I loved learning more about health and happiness, especially the research and science behind the findings.

I have been listening to Gretchen Rubin's podcast Happier and The Happiness Lab podcast (with Dr. Laurie Santos) for years. What a surprise to see that The Happiness Lab podcast was going to be recorded live in Toronto with Gretchen as the guest for the Hot Docs Festival. I only saw it advertised a few days before the event on Gretchen's social media, so I'm happy there were still tickets available.

The theme of the podcast was Gretchen's new book Life in Five Senses. I especially love this topic because the senses are so important in relation to our memories. 

When I was in Hawaii, just before the pandemic, I purchased products to use on so when I use them at home, I'm reminded of being in Hawaii. I inadvertently experienced this on my honeymoon when I bought expensive (and amazingly scented) sunscreen. It reminded me of my first Caribbean trip when I smelled that sunscreen for years - until they changed the scent.

In the Science of Well-Being course, I learned about hedonic adaptation: 

"Hedonic adaptation refers to the notion that after positive (or negative) events, and a subsequent increase in positive (or negative) feelings, people return to a relatively stable, baseline level of affect" (Diener, Lucas, & Scollon, 2006)

With the Hawaiian product example, what this means is that it feels amazing at first, but if we were to use it every day, it would lose its positive effect. I still have that incredible feeling when I smell it, because I do so sparingly. 

Looking at this another way, one of Gretchen's "personal commandments" is to "spend out". By this, she means to use things up instead of hoarding and trusting in abundance. I learned the benefit of spending out the hard way after a Caribbean trip in 2016. I bought extra bottles of resort shampoo and lotion that we loved to use during our stay. On my return home, I used them so sparingly that eventually, the product deteriorated and it didn't smell as great as it did on holiday. 

It's a fine line between "spending out" often enough, but not too often so that it loses its magic.

I loved seeing two of my favourite happiness experts sharing the stage. After the initial introduction of Gretchen's book, they answered questions from audience members. The podcast episode entitled "Ask Us Anything! Laurie and Gretchen Take Your Questions (Live From Toronto) was posted on The Happiness Lab Podcast on May 30th. Click here to listen.

I am enjoying reading Gretchen's Life in Five Senses and being reminded to use all of my senses to create happier memories. 

In saying that, though, I disagree with Gretchen regarding her Five Senses Quiz. After taking the quiz, we discover our "neglected" sense. She believes we can raise our happiness by exploring the sense that we use the least. She shares tips on how to explore this sense.

I believe that it's our neglected sense for a reason and my happiness level would better increase by exploring the senses that are my favourite. Receiving the tips for my neglected sense after taking the quiz was disappointing for me. It did not tempt me to try them.

Looking at her list of 50 Tips to Get Out of Your Head Using Your Five Senses on her website, I am most excited to try the tips that feature sight, smell and hearing. They're my top 3 senses, or as Gretchen calls them, my foreground senses. Click here to read her post about foreground and background senses. She believes that bringing all five senses into the foreground increases our happiness. 

I prefer to explore my favourite senses by trying new experiences; and to better appreciate my neglected senses by noticing what I love about them (rather than exploring new things). I haven't finished the book, so I should probably give Gretchen's way a try. Since I am most interested in memories, using all five senses for memory keeping may be of better use for me, rather than everyday happiness.

Gretchen always says that what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another person, so there's also a good chance that I will find that I prefer it my way; to focus more on my preferred senses.

Northern Lights Moment - Part 2

In my last post, I wondered why I missed the Northern Lights and cancelled the reason I had chosen to miss the Northern Lights. You can read that post here.

I accepted that sometimes the reason we think we're experiencing a synchronicity moment isn't actually the reason after all. I accepted the fact that I had missed my chance to see the Northern Lights this time. I was supposed to be heading home and the 3 day aurora forecast was quiet.

My departure kept getting delayed; but the aurora forecast wasn't improving. I was finally ready to leave four days later than planned on March 23 (3-23-23 - I love numbers) but there had been an accident overnight and the highway was closed in both directions. The highway was also slushy, so I delayed my return one more day when it would be safer to drive.

How lucky or synchronicitous. It turned out that the Northern Lights would be stronger than it had been in six years that night. 

I love seeing the Big Dipper standing on its handle in this photo.

This photo was facing East with the golf course behind the trees.

Since I was driving nine hours the next day, I didn't want to stay up for too long in the night. Perhaps I will regret this decision if I don't get to see them again.

I didn't understand how special 3-23-23 would be for the aurora borealis. It was a G4 Kp 8 event. I understood that going to a darker place would have given me a better chance of seeing them, but I wasn't comfortable driving in the dark to wait alone in an isolated spot in the cold. Especially when I didn't know if and when they could be visible. 

What I didn't expect was that the colours would not be visible to the naked eye. When I was going outside (first at 10:20; 10:40 and then 10:55), I was looking for green. 

When I went out at 10:55, I noticed white clouds dancing in the sky, in a way that clouds don't. When I turned the phone on to take a video, the colours were bursting in the phone. I was SO excited to realize that the Northern Lights were active!! 

They remained active for almost half an hour. In hindsight, I wish I had informed myself better to learn how to get my eyes to better adjust to see the colours.

When I was looking at the photos on my computer, this heart jumped out at me. 

I edited the videos I took to create a highlights video. I removed the audio to delete my ooh-ing and aah-ing as well as my walking around. I thought a quiet video would be boring, so I decided to compose a melody to accompany the video. If you prefer quiet, you can click on mute.

Tips:

• Our eyes have cones (to see in daytime) and rods (to see in nighttime). Rods see in black and white, hence the reason everything is a shade of grey in the dark. The light is too dim for our cones to detect colour. The stronger the aurora (and the further north you are), the more likelihood you'll see colour with the naked eye.
• The longer you are outside in the dark, the better your chance of seeing the colours. Your eyes will adjust in order for the colours to be visible. Ideally go to a dark location without city lights.
• To help your eyes adjust, don't look at lights or your camera/phone screen (lower the brightness if possible). 
• If light pollution is unavoidable, try to have the lights behind you. I walked into a parking lot so that the lights weren't between the aurora and me.
• They are most visible the further the sun is from view - so in the middle of the night; especially when the aurora is weaker.
• The Aurora Borealis Notifications Group on Facebook is a great resource for forecasts, where to go, camera settings. Look at the guides and featured posts for detailed information.
• The video on my iPhone X barely showed anything. The iPhone 14 automatically went into "night mode" with instructions to hold still for a few seconds. I had it on a tripod and held it against my body to hold the iPhone steadier than in my hand. The better your camera and its settings, the better the photos and videos will be.
• Another good resource is Soft Serve News' Aurora Forecast. I took this screenshot a couple of hours before going outside. They also show the estimated Kp in 4, 7 and 11 minutes for more detailed information. 

• They rated the geomagnetic storm a level 4 out of a 5 tier scale with a Kp of 8. The following map explains the Kp. Locate your city, and see which Kp is visible for your location. If your location is above the green line, for example, the Northern Lights are likely visible when Kp is 5 or greater. If you're in a 5 zone and the Kp is 8, the aurora will be even more active.

• Another factor that affects the activity is the solar wind's magnetic orientation in the up/down direction (known as Bz). If the Bz is a negative number (it was -15 on March 23), the likelihood of Northern Lights is even greater than the regular Kp map. If it's positive, the aurora may not happen if with a Kp 5.

Northern Lights Moment

One of my bucket list items is to see the Northern Lights. I have included it on most of my vision boards. While making my latest vision board, I wondered whether to include it. I was giving up hope of seeing them, figuring that I perhaps preferred comfort to seeing them. I saw a tent in my husband’s cousin’s photos when she went to Sweden to see them. She said they lied in the snow for 30 minutes watching the lights. Is this my dream? I loved visiting the Ice Hotel in Quebec City, but I wouldn't want to sleep overnight in it. I wouldn't want to be in a tent hoping the Northern Lights appear. I still included it on my latest vision board. You never know.

I was giving up on this dream, then a few weeks ago, I watched The Reluctant Traveler with Eugene Levy in Finland. He was staying in a cabin with floor to ceiling windows where he could see the Northern Lights (if he stayed awake). Oooh, are there places like that? I googled it and yes there are! I could be comfortably warm and see the Northern Lights? My dream is back. Although, I'm sure if I was there, I would want to go outside to better enjoy them, but at least I wouldn't have to be waiting for hours in the cold.

Another hope for seeing the Northern Lights is that I have taken over my parents’ cottage in Northern Ontario, where it may be possible to see them in the summer, but they're not as common as they are in the winter.

Technology today makes it easier to see them as well. There are forecasts and Facebook pages where people will post forecasts and strengths.

I am currently visiting my parents. It's the first time I come back to my hometown in the winter in over twenty years. The forecast showed a strong possibility for Northern Lights one night. I went outside to see if there was a spot with less light pollution for me to go to, if they appeared. 

I left my coat, mitts, scarf, etc. by the door just in case I saw them from the window. I was monitoring the aurora borealis accounts and had the blinds open in my bedroom.

Earlier that evening, the specialist’s office called from Timmins, which is almost a 2 hour drive from my parent's place. They had a cancellation for the next day and were checking to see if they could go for a check-up.

I thought it was serendipitous. I am here and can drive them. The timing of my visit seemed perfect for me to be here for this opportunity. As the evening ended, I realized that sleeping was more important than the northern lights. We’d be up early; driving for four hours, plus the appointment time and meal.

In the morning, I called the doctor's office to get more information. I learned it was a ten-minute sit-down appointment. If there were any issues, the specialist would refer to the emergency department or book another appointment for treatment. We were going to drive four hours in the winter to have a 10 minute chat. We cancelled the appointment and made the next appointment when the doctor would be in my parents' town.

Afterwards, I wondered, what was the point? I thought I was serendipitously here in order to help my father get the care he needed. I wondered why this call interrupted my attempts at seeing the Northern Lights. I was confused. Normally, some things happen for a reason or at least I find some meaning. The doctor had an opening and lucky us; I was here. How lucky that the Northern Lights would be visible during my visit!! Then, the appointment was cancelled and the Northern Lights were missed.

Upon reflection, we recognized that the risk, stress and discomfort in travelling was greater than the benefit of a follow-up appointment for them. It was perhaps a mindset shift for my parents.

As for my missed Northern Lights, a local photographer posted a drone video of the spectacle the next morning. I took a screen capture and added an arrow to show where I was sleeping under the northern lights to show my friends. It’s funny, I couldn’t believe that Eugene Levy slept while there were Northern Lights and here I was, sleeping under the Northern Lights. We all have our priorities and sometimes sleep is the priority.

I joked with my friends that perhaps the northern lights weren’t amazing enough that night for them to be my “first time” to see them. Perhaps my first time will be in a more ideal setting; maybe my cottage at the lake or on a trip to Alaska, northern Canada or Scandinavia.

Maybe this was the little warning from the universe - for me to reflect when I feel I have serendipitous moments. Although I wanted to believe in the serendipity of me being here, my gut was telling me it was too risky in the winter. Maybe if I didn’t listen to my gut, I would have gone on the road and a bigger challenge would have emerged.

Sometimes a serendipitous moment isn’t for the reason we think it is, and we have to dig a little deeper to figure out their meaning. I'll remember what I'm calling my Northern Lights Moment when my instinct questions a serendipitous moment.