Friday the 13th Memories

Today is Friday the 13th, and although I'm not superstitious about Friday the 13th anymore, there was a time when I was a little bit superstitious. I was reminded of that this morning when December 13th many years ago fell on a Friday and I was expecting my first child. Depending on which method you believe, my due date was either December 9th or December 12th. Although 12/12 would have been a date that I would have loved as a birthday for my son, it came and it went. I really did not want to give birth on Friday the 13th. Today that would have been pretty cool with Taylor Swift, Dick Van Dyke and one of my great friends celebrating their birthdays on December 13th. I found out about Dick Van Dyke's birthday when Coldplay released a new video on his 99th birthday filmed with him at his home.

That Friday the 13th, perhaps imagining that we may not have that many date nights left in the near future, my husband and I went to see The English Patient in the theater. We sat in the back row in case we had to make a hasty exit, but luckily I got to see the end of the movie and enjoy our last weekend before kids.

Another little connection which is kind of funny is that last night, I was telling my husband about the video I posted yesterday about 12/12/24 where I was talking about my mastermind group and how my takeaway this past year was to better accept periods of contraction along with periods of expansion or flow. He asked me if I think of going into labour when we talk about periods of contraction. It had never occurred to me so now I can't get that out of my head.

So now, it's kind of funny that today's date is reminding me of going into labour many years ago so that was a funny coincidence or a nudge of a few different things to inspired me to record the video and write this blog.

I think of that with reviving our memories when we are reminded of something or we get a nudge, to tell the story or revive buried memories. I had a nudge like that last week when I saw my son's birthday coming up in the calendar. I recorded another video I haven't posted yet about using the birthday nudge to work on his childhood album that I hadn't completed yet. In the video, that I'll complete and post now, I talked about how to plan an album like that because it's really difficult in the moment to decide what to include because in the moment, everything seems important. In a way, procrastinating on making this type of album is helpful, because in hindsight we get better perspective and it becomes easier to choose what is most meaningful.

I like to use these nudges to spend time with my memories and to revive things that matter. It's not necessarily about having a project or making photo albums. It can also be about telling the stories, looking at other memories like a pregnancy journal or time capsule to be reminded of other moments. Spending time with our memories when we're given reminders helps us to remember them better.

Present Memories

When I think about memories making me happy, I am thinking about the present. How am I feeling today? Does that memory add something to the present or is it stuck in the past?

When I was choosing my word for 2022, present memories was one of the reasons why I chose the word present.

Just looking at our photos or remembering moments can bring happiness to today. I love that! Looking back at happy memories makes me happy in the present.

I went a step further when we revisited our old apartment and wedding reception hall on our anniversary a couple of years ago. Upon reflection, I am recognizing that the new memories felt different for our apartment and wedding reception hall.

First, we went inside our old condo building that I absolutely love. It's one of my favourite buildings in Toronto. I love flat iron buildings and having actually lived in one when we first moved to Toronto was amazing. 

When we got engaged, we went up to the roof to take photos so we wanted to recreate that moment on this anniversary. The photo of me has the revolving restaurant at the top of the Westin Harbour Castle in the background - where my husband proposed.

We also wanted to see the changed skyscape with all the new buildings. In 2010, while walking from Lake Ontario to our house in midtown, I stopped and went up to the roof to reminisce and see the view. You can read that blog post here. 

We thought it would be fun to see the views from the 1990's, 2010 and 2019. I LOVE the CN Tower and always marvel when I see it, so seeing it from our old building once again was extra special. The photo below of me is from 2010. The 2019 photo on the right is my husband taking a photo with the new L Tower. 

Next, we walked in to the Novotel next door where we had our wedding reception.  The front desk area had changed, but we remembered the old front desk where we stood for what seemed like an hour while they tried to find our reservation. With an early morning flight for our honeymoon, we had gone home to change into our "going away outfits" and brought our luggage to be sent to our room before we returned to our recption.  Not the happiest moment to be reminded of.

From the lobby we climbed the curved staircase to the reception hall which was locked. We looked out the hallway glass door to see the patio where some people may have gone out to cool down but I don't remember going out there for long. I tried to conjure up warm or happy feelings. Of course, I'm happy that we got married and had a great reception there, but seeing it on this day didn't add any value to those memories.

The reception hall didn't have a great view like the condo rooftop did. It also reminded us of a bad experience. Sometimes, bad experiences happen for a reason and it turns out for the better or becomes a funny story, but this one didn't really have that. I love the memories and photos I have of our wedding dinner and reception, but maybe the location itself isn't that important. 

During my Revive55 Project, I was trying to "revive" memories, but sometimes, some memories are just that. Moments in time to treasure. Keep what you love and let go of what you don't.

Time is the Most Unforgiving of Fires

I wrote a blog post in 2008 after reading A Thousand Splendid Suns. You can read that original post by clicking here.

It was inspired by a quote in the book:

(to give some perspective, the passage describes how Laila feels after her first love Tarik tells her that he and his family are moving away)

"In the coming days and weeks, Laila would scramble frantically to commit it all to memory, what happened next. Like an art lover running out of a burning museum, she would grab whatever she could—a look, a whisper, a moan—to salvage from perishing, to preserve. But time is the most unforgiving of fires, and she couldn’t, in the end, save it all. "

I think that the author really describes it perfectly: "like an art lover running out of a burning museum"; "time is the most unforgiving of fires".

It's interesting to reflect on how I felt over a decade ago:

"Memories: something very close to my heart. I have realized that so many of my memories are forgotten. Perhaps that is why I take so many photos, to help me remember. I sometimes think that I’m too busy taking photos rather than really experiencing the moments so I have tried to curtail my photo-taking."

Interestingly, a month after that post, we bought a Digital SLR and our photo-taking increased exponentially. A couple of years later, I would get my first iPhone and then I had a camera with me wherever I went.

In one way, I love that so much of my life was documented with photographs, but like I would reflect then I didn't keep up with the journaling in photo albums.

"I am often told that I have such a good memory about my kids... but I kept a great journal during those times (and journaled in my photo albums). When I look through my photo albums from my childhood and university years (when I didn’t [journal]), I’m amazed how much I forgot."

With the increase in digital photos, I stopped printing photos and putting them in albums for many years. The great thing though is that although I may have been in the minority who was journaling in albums 10-20 years ago, most of us have been "journaling" in the last decade by posting on social media.

We have preserved many memories on Facebook so why not enjoy them? As the quote says, "time is the most unforgiving of fires". I sometimes see old posts and think "I had forgotten that!" By seeing the post, we are reminded of these moments that were important enough to share at the time.

Sometimes you will receive notifications from Facebook of memories from this day, but you can see them yourself every day by going to Facebook.com/memories when you are signed in to your account.

TimeHop is an app that you can connect to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to see your posts from on this day. You can also link your photos so every day you can go to this app to see your memories from "on this day".

If you want to see memories from a day other than today, you can quickly go to a specific month and year on Facebook. When you're on your profile page, go to your activity log. Click on filter to choose your posts (rather than all activity) then choose the year and date.

While making my photobooks, I take screen captures of my posts or copy/paste the words to add journaling to my pages. You can also make photobooks on your phone from Facebook posts if you prefer to look through your memories in a book.

We remember our memories better when we relive them. 

A photo is not always worth a thousand words. We can ensure our memories don't fade by adding journaling to our photos to remind us of details that aren't obvious from the photo.

One last point, do you have your photos ready to be rescued in case of disaster whether that is a burning house, flood or technical crash of your computer or phone? As great as it is to have memories saved on Facebook, understand that the quality of the photos is diminished and you don't know how long that website will exist.

Undocumented Stories

I wrote a blog post on my personal blog My Life Is Like A Song about Black Lives Matter where I share what has resonated with me on the topic. You can read my full blog post by clicking here.

I shared an article that I saw on the CBC website about the University of Western Ontario professor Philippe Rushton that reminded me of my university days.

"Rushton was a psychology professor [whose] work was widely criticized as racist as he attempted to draw conclusions between race and intelligence, fuelling beliefs that white people were genetically superior to Black people."  Click here to read the full article.

Our student newspaper at the University of Waterloo asked a question every week and printed the answers they received. I remembered being asked about Rushton's research and searched online to find this newspaper clipping.

Here's my (zoomed in) response:

Do you have memories with no documentation? 

During my Revive55 Project, I went through my memory boxes. I found a different "Campus Question" newspaper clipping that I was in and remembered this one as well, but I didn't have a clipping for this one. Reflecting back, what are the chances that I was featured in two "Campus Questions"? Hanging out at the Campus Centre where the newspaper office was probably helped.

This controversy with the university professor's research may be especially memorable to me because I was doing research in the Chemical Engineering Department so I was very interested in the methodology that this professor was presenting for his findings. When the reporter asked me if I wanted to share my thoughts on it, I wasn't shy to share my opinion.

Which brings me back to the idea of our memories. I was telling my daughter my memory of the campus question but did wonder, 'am I remembering this right?' 'am I embellishing it?'

When we don't have documentation for moments in our lives, we have a few options.

In this case, I was lucky to find the newspaper clipping online. Our university newspapers have been scanned. Last year, I went through many of them, trying to find this clipping.  Although I didn't find it at the time, I found other meaningful moments from concerts or other events that I was happy to be reminded of.

Telling stories helps us remember. I have often told the story of the days when I started dating my husband so we remember some of the details, but we don't have photos or specific mementos. We luckily have a photo of us from around that time period - we think before we were actually dating. But without cell phones, many of these earlier moments are not photographed.

I am taking a course called Tiny Story Society. This month's challenge was to photograph a story that isn't documented. We were asked to first document the story from memory to tell or write the story the way we remember it.

This week I was driving my daughter to Waterloo where I met my husband, so I took the time to go on campus and photograph the place where we watched a movie the night before our first official date. COVID-19 days made for an unusual photo with an empty hall that would normally be full of students lounging in chairs, walking or standing around.

I also went to the bar where I first saw him and we went for our first date.

Memories of lining up on this ramp, and watching people leave are so memorable.

Although this venue is no longer a bar, it was the venue for the open house our daughter attended while trying to decide on her university choice. My husband took a photo that day as we remembered the stage I was sitting on when I first saw him; the DJ booth where we'd make song requests and the dance floor where we spent hours enjoying our favourite songs.

Sometimes, actually going to the place isn't possible but there are other ways to bring those memories back to life.

What story do you want to capture?

It's the end of a decade

Seems to me now

That the dreams we had before

Are all dead, nothing more

Than confetti on the floor

It's the end of a decade

In another ten years time

Who can say what we'll find

What lies waiting down the line

In the end of eighty-nine

(Happy New Year

by Abba)

As much as I love the holidays, I love the last few days before the end of the year. I love to reflect on the year that is ending and look forward to the year to come.

This year is extra special because it's also the end of a decade which reminds me of my favourite New Year's song I listen to every year. If you could travel back in time to 2009, what would "2009-you" be amazed to know happened in the 2010's?

Imagine it's the end of of 2029, what do you hope your life will be like then? If you like lists or resolutions, write down your hopes and dreams and store them somewhere special.

I wrote my dreams in this journal for the first time in January 1996.

Life is the music
that dances through our days,
our nights and our years.

It's interesting to see what I dreamed of then, to see the ones that happened and also how I feel about those that didn't. Am I disappointed? Do I still hope they happen? Using a journal also allows for future edits or additions.

Since 2005, I have made a playlist of my favourite songs every year. At the end of 2009, I made a list of my favourite songs of the decade (2000's). I am continuing that tradition by creating a playlist of my favourite songs of 2019 and the 2010's. If books or movies are more your thing, would you enjoy making a yearly list of your favourites?

I spent some time this week looking back at my photos from 2019. If you had asked me to tell you what I did all year, I wouldn't have thought of some amazing moments. Looking back at the photos reminded me of experiences I loved and want to remember.

What were your favourite moments of 2019? What experiences do you want to remember?

Some experiences are unforgettable. I won't forget breaking my arm, going on vacation, attending the Raptors NBA Championship parade or launching my Revive55 Project. What are some smaller moments that are worth remembering but could be forgotten?

I love the colours of the Caribbean Sea.

This is one of my favourite photos of the year:

Can you guess where it is? Some of you can but if I had seen this photo years ago, I wouldn't have guessed.

This is not a perfect photo, but it's a moment when I am reminded that I can see beautiful Lake Ontario colours a short drive from home. I didn't have much time to admire it on this fall day. I was with friends and we were going for a quick dinner by the beach before a movie. I want to remember this moment as a reminder to go next summer and truly enjoy Lake Ontario and the beach we have. I'm adding that to my New Years Resolutions.

Celebrate the past

Create a time capsule or best of lists of what 2019 or the 2010's were like for you.

Ideas include:

1. Favourite Photos and Videos
2. Stories or things that happened to you
3. Mementos or Purchases
4. Accomplishments or Celebrations
5. People you spent time with, you met or your favourite celebrities
6. Outings or Activities
7. Places like a country, city or place in your neighbourhood or in your house

If this seems overwhelming, you can just spend a bit some time remembering your favourite moments.

Did you start a Memories timeline? Take a few moments to add 2019 or 2010's events on it.

By looking at what you love from your past, you get clues of what you will love in the future.

Dream for your future

What kind of photos and videos do you love? What kind of outings and activities do you most enjoy?

How can you plan to create more moments that you'll love just as much in 2020?

By looking back at 2009, I was reminded that I was about to go to the Olympics in Vancouver for the Opening Ceremony and Men's Moguls - our first Olympic gold win on home soil. That trip is one of my highlights of the decade. Before we had children, we used to go on a yearly ski trip to Whistler. I have wanted to go back especially since they co-hosted the 2010 Olympics. As an Olympic host city, it would be even more special.

Since starting this post and doing my own reflection, I have booked a trip to return to Vancouver on the 10th anniversary of the Opening Ceremony and then to go to Whistler where I will see the Olympic rings and ski the Olympic downhill run.

If I am super lucky, one of the Olympic cauldrons will be lit while I'm there.

Sometimes, we need to reflect and to plan in order for our hopes and dreams to happen.