Time is the Most Unforgiving of Fires

I wrote a blog post in 2008 after reading A Thousand Splendid Suns. You can read that original post by clicking here.

It was inspired by a quote in the book:

(to give some perspective, the passage describes how Laila feels after her first love Tarik tells her that he and his family are moving away)

"In the coming days and weeks, Laila would scramble frantically to commit it all to memory, what happened next. Like an art lover running out of a burning museum, she would grab whatever she could—a look, a whisper, a moan—to salvage from perishing, to preserve. But time is the most unforgiving of fires, and she couldn’t, in the end, save it all. "

I think that the author really describes it perfectly: "like an art lover running out of a burning museum"; "time is the most unforgiving of fires".

It's interesting to reflect on how I felt over a decade ago:

"Memories: something very close to my heart. I have realized that so many of my memories are forgotten. Perhaps that is why I take so many photos, to help me remember. I sometimes think that I’m too busy taking photos rather than really experiencing the moments so I have tried to curtail my photo-taking."

Interestingly, a month after that post, we bought a Digital SLR and our photo-taking increased exponentially. A couple of years later, I would get my first iPhone and then I had a camera with me wherever I went.

In one way, I love that so much of my life was documented with photographs, but like I would reflect then I didn't keep up with the journaling in photo albums.

"I am often told that I have such a good memory about my kids... but I kept a great journal during those times (and journaled in my photo albums). When I look through my photo albums from my childhood and university years (when I didn’t [journal]), I’m amazed how much I forgot."

With the increase in digital photos, I stopped printing photos and putting them in albums for many years. The great thing though is that although I may have been in the minority who was journaling in albums 10-20 years ago, most of us have been "journaling" in the last decade by posting on social media.

We have preserved many memories on Facebook so why not enjoy them? As the quote says, "time is the most unforgiving of fires". I sometimes see old posts and think "I had forgotten that!" By seeing the post, we are reminded of these moments that were important enough to share at the time.

Sometimes you will receive notifications from Facebook of memories from this day, but you can see them yourself every day by going to Facebook.com/memories when you are signed in to your account.

TimeHop is an app that you can connect to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to see your posts from on this day. You can also link your photos so every day you can go to this app to see your memories from "on this day".

If you want to see memories from a day other than today, you can quickly go to a specific month and year on Facebook. When you're on your profile page, go to your activity log. Click on filter to choose your posts (rather than all activity) then choose the year and date.

While making my photobooks, I take screen captures of my posts or copy/paste the words to add journaling to my pages. You can also make photobooks on your phone from Facebook posts if you prefer to look through your memories in a book.

We remember our memories better when we relive them. 

A photo is not always worth a thousand words. We can ensure our memories don't fade by adding journaling to our photos to remind us of details that aren't obvious from the photo.

One last point, do you have your photos ready to be rescued in case of disaster whether that is a burning house, flood or technical crash of your computer or phone? As great as it is to have memories saved on Facebook, understand that the quality of the photos is diminished and you don't know how long that website will exist.

Write To Taste Life Twice

On August 6th, I received an email from the Team of the Day One app with the following quote that really resonated with me and my Revive55 Project:

"We write to taste life twice, 

in the moment and in retrospect."

Anaïs Nin

I loved the quote and copied it for this blog post. The post was going to be about writing our stories but a few days later, I picked up a book writeen with daily entries that I hadn't opened in a while - Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I often find that I read something in it that is perfect for when I read it and I hoped that this trend would continue. 

I started by re-reading the entry I had read the last time I opened it:

"A wise woman once advised me not to be a 'would-be-if-I-could-be or a could-be-if-I-would be. 

Just be.' And while I have learned that dreams need doing as much as they need being,

 I have learned that the being always comes first."

This reminded me of what one of my friends said during our weekly progress meeting two days earlier:

"It's not a to do life, it's a to be life."

I stopped re-reading the post at that quote - being amazed at the coincidence and had to write an email update to our group. 

But as I continued reading the entry in the book to quote in the email, it said:

"Today is a day for being. Be with those you love, be kind to yourself. 

Be quiet and call forth the dream you buried long ago. 

The ember is still glowing in your soul. 

See it in your mind, hold it tenderly in your heart. 

"The dream was always running ahead of one," 

Anaïs Nin confessed. 

"To catch up, to live for a moment in union with it, 

that was the miracle."

Another coincidence I told them in the email, reminding them of the quote from the Day One email I had told them during our group call.

I had never "noticed"Anaïs Nai before although I had obviously read this passage before and now I was noticing her twice in one week.

I ended the email saying that I always look at these coincidences as me being on the right track encouraging me to keep going.

Fast forward to today (a week and a half later). To help in writing this post, I searched through my email for the message I sent to my group by searching for "Anaïs". Along with the email I was looking for (and the Day One email), I found one that my sister sent to a group in 2010 to let us know that she had arrived in Paris. A friend of hers replied and this was one of the two signature quotes at the bottom of her email:

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud 

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin

This quote was so perfect for today. 

Writing about these small coincidences (and bigger moments) allows me to "taste life twice" and to connect the dots to see how one moment flows into another. 

The first quote is perfect for the Day One App. I love the app to capture memories in words, photos and other media. It's a great app to relive memories and "taste life twice".

Undocumented Stories

I wrote a blog post on my personal blog My Life Is Like A Song about Black Lives Matter where I share what has resonated with me on the topic. You can read my full blog post by clicking here.

I shared an article that I saw on the CBC website about the University of Western Ontario professor Philippe Rushton that reminded me of my university days.

"Rushton was a psychology professor [whose] work was widely criticized as racist as he attempted to draw conclusions between race and intelligence, fuelling beliefs that white people were genetically superior to Black people."  Click here to read the full article.

Our student newspaper at the University of Waterloo asked a question every week and printed the answers they received. I remembered being asked about Rushton's research and searched online to find this newspaper clipping.

Here's my (zoomed in) response:

Do you have memories with no documentation? 

During my Revive55 Project, I went through my memory boxes. I found a different "Campus Question" newspaper clipping that I was in and remembered this one as well, but I didn't have a clipping for this one. Reflecting back, what are the chances that I was featured in two "Campus Questions"? Hanging out at the Campus Centre where the newspaper office was probably helped.

This controversy with the university professor's research may be especially memorable to me because I was doing research in the Chemical Engineering Department so I was very interested in the methodology that this professor was presenting for his findings. When the reporter asked me if I wanted to share my thoughts on it, I wasn't shy to share my opinion.

Which brings me back to the idea of our memories. I was telling my daughter my memory of the campus question but did wonder, 'am I remembering this right?' 'am I embellishing it?'

When we don't have documentation for moments in our lives, we have a few options.

In this case, I was lucky to find the newspaper clipping online. Our university newspapers have been scanned. Last year, I went through many of them, trying to find this clipping.  Although I didn't find it at the time, I found other meaningful moments from concerts or other events that I was happy to be reminded of.

Telling stories helps us remember. I have often told the story of the days when I started dating my husband so we remember some of the details, but we don't have photos or specific mementos. We luckily have a photo of us from around that time period - we think before we were actually dating. But without cell phones, many of these earlier moments are not photographed.

I am taking a course called Tiny Story Society. This month's challenge was to photograph a story that isn't documented. We were asked to first document the story from memory to tell or write the story the way we remember it.

This week I was driving my daughter to Waterloo where I met my husband, so I took the time to go on campus and photograph the place where we watched a movie the night before our first official date. COVID-19 days made for an unusual photo with an empty hall that would normally be full of students lounging in chairs, walking or standing around.

I also went to the bar where I first saw him and we went for our first date.

Memories of lining up on this ramp, and watching people leave are so memorable.

Although this venue is no longer a bar, it was the venue for the open house our daughter attended while trying to decide on her university choice. My husband took a photo that day as we remembered the stage I was sitting on when I first saw him; the DJ booth where we'd make song requests and the dance floor where we spent hours enjoying our favourite songs.

Sometimes, actually going to the place isn't possible but there are other ways to bring those memories back to life.

What story do you want to capture?

Bringing a Little Light and Love

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

(Hamburg Song by Keane)

I have struggled to write this post for the past couple of weeks and it was keeping me up last night wondering how to finish it.

I have looked at this pandemic as a before/after event.

I think that we will remember the year 2020 as the year things changed. The problem is that as I wrote a message of hope for the future, I thought of others who may not feel so hopeful.

I am lucky so far that this has not affected my family too negatively so I didn't want to downplay the seriousness of the situation. I know that some of you are working harder than you have ever worked or lost your jobs and that some are endangering your lives to help others.

My natural tendency is to look on the bright side of a situation which is what I have been writing about but I struggled to complete it while recognizing that not everyone can look on the bright side at the moment. Many people can not see the light at the end of the tunnel YET but hopefully will soon.

When I think back at these types of before/after events in my life, I am reminded of being laid off at work. At the time, I thought I was in the perfect position for me. I had been with the company five years then shockingly, we were all told that they were closing the Canadian subsidiary.

It was a sad and scary time for my colleagues and I. Thankfully I was given a generous severance. I was given time to reflect and plan for the future. What seemed like a low point in my life at the time turned out to be a blessing in disguise in hindsight.

I contributed part of my severance to an RRSP that would later be the down payment for our house. I spent a few months unemployed and learning about myself through the seminars and counselling I received through the outplacement service I received as part of my severance.

When I think about the COVID-19 pandemic being a before and after event, I initially am sad and think about the negative impact it may have on our future but then reflect on other difficult times. So many more positives come from some challenges.

As difficult as this time can be, there are things we can't control and there are things we can do to add a little light to our lives before it gets better.

One of those is to connect with others. I can't imagine going through physical distancing 30 years ago when we would have been writing letters or telephoning on landlines with expensive long distance plans. I am thankful that this pandemic is happening in 2020 when we can still connect with others with the help of technology.

I am thankful to those of you who reached out to me about my posts or project. It warms my heart to know that I have added a little light, inspiration or even a diversion for a moment. I am also inspired and getting ideas from my friends who are sharing their projects, stories and activities.

For those of us who are given extra time while we stay home, we can use the time to learn about ourselves and envision the future we want once life returns to the new normal. Some of us may have been going through the motions of life without recognizing that we were spending time on activities we no longer value.

Like I mentioned in a post last month, what do we really miss and can't wait to get back to? What are we indifferent to or don't miss that we can maybe let go of?

This pause gives us a chance for reflection. I have read that sometimes we have to let go of things (or activities) to make room for something better. The world may not be the same as it was and hopefully most of the changes will be for the better in the long run.

While reflecting on the past and dreaming of our future, let's not forget the present. It may be difficult to make happy memories at this time, but how can we make today better? I am inspired by a friend who is keeping an online photo journal. She takes a photo every day of something positive that happened and shares it on social media. I have since started to put photos in a folder to remind me of this time as well. I don't have one for every day, but it's still a good representation.

I was inspired by another friend to do an Easter dinner exchange with my sister while physically distancing. I love friends posting photos of new recipes or new hobbies they are trying or reviving.

I have had a line-a-day journal for the last 5 years and just started a new one in 2020.

I have been writing some quotes and happenings in that journal. I am rarely up to date but I catch up by looking at my calendar, photos, screenshots, social media posts and emails to remind me. I was going to take a photo of the April 17th page in my old journal, but it wasn't complete so I looked for another that "looked good".

The PJMixer quote in this photo was started on the previous page and comes from a blog post he wrote last year. I find it very interesting to read it today:

"If we were to time travel, what would we learn? Simple. From a trip to the past, we’d probably realize how great life is now. From a trip to the future, we wouldn’t have all we love today... 

Take a breath. Look around. Enjoy the taste and aromas. The touch of material matters. And the sound of music or laughter (or the witty dance of clever dialog)."

My husband wrote that before I began the Revive55 Project and is probably the biggest inspiration I have.

On the same page, I find the Downton Abbey quote also timely:

"War has a way of distinguishing between the things that matter and the things that don't."

I almost had happy tears finding this quote. It is exactly what I was trying to say in this blog post yet was struggling to find the words. We may not be in a war, but we are living in very challenging times giving us the opportunity to see what really matters to us and what really matters to the world.

I recently said that my husband is doing better at preserving memories than I am these days. He has been engrossed in our photos and videos during his #stayhome hours. One of his projects involved meshing a bunch of clips together to capture my excitement at the re-lighting of the Olympic cauldron in February. The work he is doing is really worth an extra post that I will write about another day. He is my perfect memory-keeping partner.



 
Sharing our stories and how we are coping gives us inspiration to make our days better.

Passport Stamps Journal

I found this great travel journal that has passport stamps on the cover.

It gave me the idea to scan my old passports, cut out the stamps and tape them into the journal. I also want to write some details and memorable moments from our trips.

For years I had said that I had set foot in all Canadian provinces (not territories) but lately I had been doubting my story that we landed in Newfoundland when I was questioned once. Why would we land in Newfoundland? Where was I coming back from?

While looking at my passports, I got my answer. On our way back from England in 1995, we went through customs in St. John's, Newfoundland. I didn't dream it.

I love how some customs agents are meticulous in matching the outbound stamp with the inbound stamp like they did on the right side of this page, while others stamp over previous stamps.

What amazing memories to go back through the passports, even if it is just to look at them. I also like the idea of writing memories in the passport itself once they've expired.

I do have a few pages that are disorganized though so I'm happier with mine to separate the entries and scan a page twice when stamps overlap and are from different years.

Looking through, I'm also noticing that there are trips without stamps. I figured it was worth adding mention of them so that the travel journal was complete. I will hopefully find a little memento of the trip to include.

I am reflecting on the finished product before taping the scans in. Should I organize them chronologically or geographically or by type of trip (family, couple, business)? I have placed them chronologically to see how full it becomes. Even with skipping pages for missed stamps and leaving space for writing, the journal is less than half full. Continuing chronologically with future trips would be easy to add new stamps.

If I choose to organize them geographically, it would mean leaving pages blank for future trips after each geographic region. I'm not sure how I feel about empty pages between filled pages.

I like the geographic-themed journal if I had enough stamps to fill the journal but maybe I'll decide to go chronologically. If you have an idea or opinion, I'd love to hear it.

I bought the journal at The Papery at Yonge and St. Clair. It used to be my favourite store when I lived in the neighbourhood. We recently went back to this neighbourhood to reminisce and create new memories.